|Posted on May 14, 2012 at 1:20 PM|
The girls have a nervous chuckle over Kat declaring her love of blindsides right before HER blindside and how bitter that’s gonna make her on the jury. Tarzan says that strategically the girls should have voted HIM out instead. Tarzan also reveals that he has a few subplots going that should help him get at least to the final four, maybe even final three. Also he’s been playing this game in stages. Stage 1: Don’t be first voted out. Stage 2: Make it to the Merge. Stage 3: Make it to see his wife. Stage 4: Make it to number four. Chelsea tells Christina that if she wins a food reward that she’ll take Christina along with her and then has a little strategy talk with Christina about joining the Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina alliance. This is followed by Christina *immediately* telling everyone else about the talk. Reward challenge is a spinning challenge followed by what looks like a simple puzzle of getting three numbers to line up. Chelsea wins and immediately DOESN’T choose Christina, instead taking Sabrina and Kim. The ladies get a night on a yacht with champagne and food, and the Survivor male audience gets to watch Chelsea take a lengthy shower. Back at camp, the losers of Tarzan, Alicia and Christina powwow and decide they are the ones to go to the end and it should be Chelsea to go tonight. There’s talk by both Sabrina and Tarzan about Kim’s deep blue Jedi eye power to convince people to do anything. We are introduced to Coconut a la Tarzan which is apparently made by straining the coconut through the buff keep down your pants. Kim Jedi mind tricks Alicia into thinking that Tarzan is Tarzanning her and that she is about to get Tarzaned. In the immunity challenge players use hooks to grab bags with puzzle pieces to build a fish bone puzzle. And one hand is tied behind their back. Blah, blah, Alicia wins immunity and even she admits that she is surprised over her win. Immediately prior to heading for Tribal, Tarzan decides to put Kat’s old panties on his head. Microbes? You idiots don’t know nothin’ about microbes! Tarzan knows about microbes and he’s not afraid of any ole panty germs. Also, most shocking news of all? Tarzan kinda lets it slip that HE IS A MILLIONAIRE! Not sure if we can believe it, but it’s what he says. Vote, vote, vote and the 13th person voted off and 7th member of the jury is Tarzan.
Now only five remain…who will be Sole Survivor?
Everyone returns to camp and it’s all smiles now that Tarzan is gone and that it is just ladies remaining. Kim says that this was a “feel good one” for her and now it’s nice to just come back, put your feet up in the shelter, and kick it with some good friends. Tomorrow though…oh tomorrow these people are gonna roo the day because Game Kim is coming back with a vengeance.
Alicia admits that she feels bittersweet about getting rid of Tarzan, “one of her powers.”
But she’s also VERY confident that she and Kim and Christina will stick together and get rid of Chelsea and Sabrina next. And apparently those girls know it. That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s the sound of cuckoo and it is coming from inside of Alicia’s head.
Kim and Sabrina head off for Tree Mail and Sabrina says that she’d like to get rid of Alicia…
Kim feels like Alicia won’t get a lot of votes at the end but that the one girl that can beat both of them is Chelsea. Screw honor. Screw fair. This game is for a million bucks and Warrior Kim has her mind-controlling Jedi Blue eyes firmly on that prize. Kim says she would like to see Christina be the number three player.
Tree Mail says it’s going to be a “strength, balance and memory” immunity challenge, and it’s clear this is gonna be a doozy. Alicia is all, “For me to win, I need Chelsea to suck. You know, cause I could never just beat her in a challenge straight up. No one controls me, but I need her to suck so I can control me.”
You’ll untie some knots to open a gate to get to a balance beam maze; you fall off, you go back to the beginning. Clear the maze and then traverse a rope net where you’ll grab five bags of colored puzzle pieces; put the puzzle together and it will give you clues to opening the combination on a lock at the top of a platform. First one to open the lock, raises a flag and wins immunity. “For immunity and a 1 in 4 shot of winning Survivor One World…Survivors ready…Go!”
Nowhere to hide if you suck in this challenge as it tests endurance, balance, and puzzle solving skills. Christina and Kim jump off to an early lead, but both fall off the beam and have to start over. Alicia “I’m in charge of this game!” is the last through the knots and onto the beam, but quickly makes up time and she and Chelsea make it through the maze first followed by Sabrina. Alicia – the special ed teacher—clearly hasn’t covered the differences between primary colors with her students because she starts untying the wrong color bags and probably would have continued unless Jeff shouted, “Alicia! You’re an idiot! You’re untying the wrong color bags! You’re just making this easier for someone else! ONLY UNTIE YOUR COLORED BAGS!”
Chelsea makes it to the puzzle table first, but is quickly followed by the other girls. I really expected puzzle Jedi, Christina, to make up a lot of time on this section but Sabrina and Christina fall so far out of it on the puzzle section that Jeff announces that they have NO chance of winning this. Kim rocks out the puzzle first and spends a good bit of time reading and figuring out the clues.
Kim runs away from her puzzle and up the ramp to the combo box and tries and tries and tries and her box just won’t open. Alicia runs up and tries her code and…it won’t open. Chelsea spends a lot of time looking at her clues and kind of saunters up. Kim sprints back down the ramp, looks at her puzzle and then heads back and tries again and…still won’t open. Chelsea moseys up with Jeff yelling, “HURRY UP, GIRL, YOU’VE GOT TO GO!” and tries her numbers and…won’t open. Spin, spin, spin and…KIM WINS IMMUNITY!
This puts Kim in a HUGE advantage and position of maximus power as she also has the hidden immunity idol. She can not only save herself but could save anyone else she chooses as well.
Kim and Chelsea head off to go spear fishing and Chelsea then says that what she wants to do is get rid of Alicia tonight and go to the final three with Sabrina. Chelsea says that as much as Kim may think that Chelsea can win, Chelsea thinks that not only CAN Kim win but that Kim WILL win. Chelsea is still convinced that Kim still has her back and that they’re tight BFFs till the end. Chelsea also drops the, “Oh, and you can give me your hidden idol so I can play that tonight! Great, right?!”
Kim then tells Sabrina that the plan is for Alicia tonight. But Alicia is confident that Kim is 100% loyal to her. She just has to not be paranoid, to sit back, to relax, don’t over think it, in fact, don’t even think AT ALL because she’s totally got this.
Kim then has the “It’s totally Chelsea tonight!” talk with Alicia and Christina. They are all like, “Duh! Of course you need to get rid of Chelsea. She’s totally the biggest threat out here!” She has got those two groups drowning so deeply in her Jedi Blue eyes that they both fully believe they are all on Team Kim till the end.
At Tribal we get a look at cleaned up Tarzan and other than he has a new shirt – and no dirty ladies panties on his head – he pretty much looks the same.
Kim admits that she’s not just making a choice for tonight but also for tomorrow and for the jury and that this is a big decision tonight and it’s hard to keep heart and head separate and not play with your emotions.
Jeff grills Kim for a bit about what she’s thinking; are you voting tonight for loyalty or are you voting for people you can beat? Jeff asks the other girls if they want to say anything. Alicia is all, “I’ve been with Kim since day one. I don’t even need to go there with her. I’m not worried.”
Sabrina says, “I’m fine, I’m good, I’m truly good, I got nothing to say.”
Christina says, “I’ve been true through every vote, I’ve been loyal throughout and I’m just going to be confident with whatever Kim decides.”
Chelsea says, “You think the people on the jury are pissed off at you, but how this vote goes tonight is going to get you respect.”
With that, it’s time to vote… We see Chelsea vote Alicia and Alicia vote Chelsea. The vote is split down loyalty lines, with Kim casting the decider. And the 14th person voted out and 8th member of the jury is…Alicia!
But wait? How could that be? Alicia is running this whole game! No one is gonna make her look stupid but her. And, well, Kim I guess. And Chelsea. And Sabrina. In her little confessional Alicia says she respects Kim and she’s not bitter. And then she adds that she brought Christina all this way and, “Good job, Christina! Bask in it because you suck, right now.” Ah, Alicia. Such a class act right to the end! No sense leaving without getting one last dig in at Christina, right? And where do you teach again so I can make sure that I *never* move anywhere near that school district?
Back at camp Christina realizes that she has been totally played by Kim. Kim then tells Christina that she is the most resilient person that she knows and Christina says, “Hey, I know it’s just a game!”
Christina says that her strategy now is to play the “I don’t deserve to be here and I’ve just been riding coattails and I won’t get any votes at the end” strategy; to be the person that is dragged to the final three to just INSURE that they won't get any votes. Like a cockroach that just kind of hunkers down, waits for all the nuclear radiation to wipe out mankind, and then comes scurrying back out of the dung heap.
Christina says that she up till now she’s just been playing a mediocre game and that today she needs to step up her game and to give it full throttle, maximum effort, the only easy day was yesterday at the final immunity challenge. The latest Tree Mail reveals that we’ll be doing the ceremonial walk of fallen Survivors memorial tribute.
Kourtney – Oh, you with your knit Orca killer whale cap and arm breaking on the net challenge. When Jeff repeatedly says things like, “This is a very high fall! Make sure you keep your arms to your chest and land on your back!” “LAND ON YOUR BACK!” “KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOUR CHEST!” you want to NOT fall directly on your wrist…
Nina – You of the LAPD and the face full of stung by bees and beaten with bag of oranges who somehow turned into a character from The Twilight Zone.
Attorney Matt – He has filed thousands of pages of briefs and injunctions outlying the exact details of the Rooster Alliance and detailing the rules of negotiating in chickens for fire. Ipso facto, Matt-pluribus unum.
Bill – Comic with random voice impressions who brought out the very BEST in Colton.
Monica Hotpepper – My choice for fan favorite; she played hard and totally rocked it and made the biggest mistake of trusting Colton too much. Plus, she sent me a signed shirt and picture, so she totally rocks in my opinion!
Queen Colton – Admittedly, Colton had the biggest impact on the first part of the game, and seemed to be totally driving votes. And had he not left, it would have been a TOTALLY different game. I only wish his appendix would have burst on camera; he was a hateful, spiteful, spoiled, little monster of a person and I fear that we'll see him again on another season.
Jonas – Sushi chef who can deconstruct coconuts and sea water into something somehow resembling potato chips. Also, he is apparently a master with nets and fishing and stuff.
Banker Michael – What do we really know about him other than he sided with Colton, hates toxic loan reallocations and the world bank and looks like Carson Daly?
Jay – My man with the high-pitched voice, bumpuzzled us all by voting with the women to get off Michael and Jonas. But he made fire on day one and that gets massive props from me.
Leif – Being a “little person” didn’t seem to have any impact on his game play or the way others related it him. He seemed to have a ton of zest for the game, played hardcore in challenges and slept in a coffin/box the Hotel Leif Carlton.
Troyzan – “Probably the biggest strategic threat in this whole game,” according to Kim. Troy could have gotten farther if he could have dialed back the abrasiveness on the social game and maybe shouted, “This is my F-ing island!” in the girl’s faces constantly.
Kat – Ah, kitty Kat. I loved you and Brain. LOVED! You were always entertaining on camera, seemed to be a real person, and somehow managed to get cuter and cuter each week and I hope this is a springboard for you and Brain for good things in life.
Tarzan – Probably the second weirdest player to ever play Survivor. Master of coming up with the bizarre phrase or word, a plastic surgeon of questionable talent, maybe a millionaire, will give boobs for Jeep shocks and realized this his game play had to be “a bit more beta.” He was “smart enough” to be the last man standing. Or bizarre and off-putting enough. Takes ya pick.
Alicia – The most deluded player this season who somehow thought she was running everything. Christina says, “Ahh, love that girl.” WHY?!? WHYYYYYYYY???!!! Special ed teacher who seems like she needs some sensitivity training. Said some horribly awful things to Christina, but somehow managed to form a bond with her. A bond like interrogator and prisoner of war, I fear, but a bond none the less.
Once those pleasant memories are over, they gather up all the name plaque and then it's time to burn, baby, burn. Burn, this mother down. Burn this B to the ground! The roof, the roof, the roof is ON FIRE!
“Come on in, guys!” This brings us to the FINAL immunity challenge of this season. Maneuver a long pole with a bowl on the end through a metal channel, hoop maze course thing. When you get to the end, place your bowl on top and go back and get another bowl. Repeat, repeat, repeat until you stack 10 bowls on top of each other and then you are guaranteed immunity and a spot in the final three. To make it even more interesting, the whole fantabulous contraption is sitting on a spring that shakes and shimmies as you touch it; knock your bowls off and you have to start all over! Sucka!
Also making the challenge more difficult is Probst talking and taunting you with a running dialog the entire frickin’ time! Constantly telling you how hard it is and how much you need to concentrate and how that big ole spring is just waiting to knock your stack of bowls to the ground making you start back over again, all the while final three hangs in the balance and YOU’RE PLAYING FOR A SHOT AT A MILLION DOLLARS!
Kim gets her first and second up before Sabrina even gets one. Christina manages to hang tough and is just behind Kim on placing their third bowls. Chelsea is right behind and Probst announced that Sabrina is “once again in a challenge out of it early!”
This challenge is a grueler and requires focus and concentration the entire time. Fortunately, Probst reminds us of this over and over. It’s like the “With great power comes great responsibility” thing you hear every 37 seconds in the first Spiderman.
Jump cut to bowl number eight and Christina and Kim are in a dead heat with Chelsea at number seven. “It would take a disaster for Sabrina to have a shot at this challenge!”
Kim has a leaning tower of Pisa going with her nine bowls and works her last bowl into place…slowly…carefully…gingerly…and KIM WINS IMMUNITY!
Jeff tells Kim that she has “dominated the individual portion of this game” and she really has. This is her fourth win, and she could have taken some of the others as well.
Back at camp Christina stares into Kim’s Jedi Blues and is all, “Hey, just tell me. I’d rather have it just said rather than the whole blindside thing. It’s me, right?” And Kim is like, yup, pretty much. And Christina, ever the fighter, ever the strategizer, ever the conniver, ever the cat of nine lives says, “Oh. OK. Yeah. That’s cool. I made it this far. I’ll just make this last day nice and peaceful.”
Even Kim says, “The interesting thing about Christina’s response is that she didn’t fight for it.” That makes Kim think that if she does take Christina to the end, that Christina wouldn’t even get one vote whereas Sabrina would probably get a few votes… Decisions, decisions… Keep Christina or keep Sabrina? What shall a Master Jedi do…?
With that we head to tribal.
Probst drops the hammer right away, “Kim is going to the final tribal council tomorrow night; that is a FACT. The question is: Who is going there with her?”
Jeff is all, “This must have been a pretty busy afternoon with people trying to jockey for position and whatnot.” And Sabrina and Chelsea are all, “Nope, pretty quiet around camp. We hung by the beach and stuff. No one saw the need to scramble. After we just put it out there who was going to go home tonight, so…”
Probst is all, “Well don’t leave a brother hanging. If you guys know, tell me; who’s going home tonight?”
Christina finally says, “Umm, Jeff, it’s me. So… Yes, I’m going home tonight. These three girls have been in an alliance since day one so everyone is pretty adamant about where they stand.”
“So you didn’t even try? Like, nothing? Nada? Zilch? No strategy on your end on how you could break this alliance up? Really? On day frickin’ 38?! You’re just gonna lay down and die? REALLY?!?”
“Well, there was really no point. You know, they are like friends and I just didn’t want to bother anyone and, well, the weather was nice, and I just wanted to relax on the beach, and when is the next time I’m gonna be in Samoa and I just don’t like drama and talking and stuff.”
Jeff asks the other girls if they would have fought in Christina’s position and they’re all, “Hells to the yeah. There’s a lot of things she could have said to try and plead her case and change our decision.”
Vote, vote and the 15th person voted out and 9th member of the jury is…Christina. Sorry, Cha Cha. You really were the Survivor cockroach this season, but you met your boot tonight and didn’t seem to do ANYTHING to try and stop it. I’m not sure that you ever really understood how to lobby and strategize and fight and play the social game and you actually just seem too nice for Survivor.
Sabrina is up early on day 39 watching the sunrise and she breaks down crying; she’s emotionally overwhelmed and she’s reflecting on life and how God has blessed her. She has decent family and decent friends. She’s just a teacher in one of the craziest neighborhoods in the country and she just got laid off. She signed up to teach kids that others don’t want to teach. Others like Alicia perhaps. Maybe if there is some justice in this world, Alicia will get fired and Sabrina can have her job…
Kim then reveals her jury strategy…
It’s time for the final three breakfast of champions. Kim is pretty happy because it has been like 24 hours since she has had a *real* meal. She came on Survivor to gain a few pounds, and she’s ready to get her grub on with some fruit, croissants, bacon and cham-pizzle.
Kim says this has been a tough year for her as she just went through a rough divorce after a bad four year marriage. This game has helped her learn to trust herself and her discernment and she’s gonna take her new Jedi blue eye mind powers back to the real world and just totally start effing up people.
“Tonight the power shifts to the jury; the nine people you voted out will decide who wins!” Time for opening statements. Chelsea: You’re up. Chelsea asks if she can stand and Jeff is like, “You go, girl. Turn around and bend over if you like. We’re all friends here. Or I can have production bring in a shower. I mean, I want you to be comfortable. And sexy.”
Chelsea says it’s no secret that she and Kim have been the power pair throughout this game and that every time before tribal she and Kim would get together and decide who was gonna go. She tells Jonas that it really tore her up to get rid of him, and that voting him off was a turning point for her in the game. Kim was the cold, calculating, emotionless automaton, while Chelsea played with heart.
Kim and Sabrina elect to remain sitting during their speeches.
Kim starts out saying she loves this game and says she played this like a strategic poker game and played this as smart and hard as she could and strategized until she was blue in the (eyes) face and that every person she sent home took a toll on her. But she just had to focus on her life back home and make the best decisions and what she wanted to do with the money to help and provide for them. Her end goal was to be sitting her tonight, so she probably wouldn’t even change or take back any of the things that she did.
Sabrina says her strategy in the game was like her strategy in real life; she knew she had to play this game with balance; I knew I needed to step down sometimes. Like in challenges. I never won a challenge, I never came back here with a necklace. Balance. I chose not to step up and come to you face to face. Oh, and PS. I’m a teacher of inner city children in the toughest schools around and I just got laid off before coming her. Put that in your pipes and smoke it!
Time for the jury questions/speeches/rants.
First up is Jonas: When I address you by name, I just want you to say, “Seeing as how this is a serious decision, when I address you by name, I just want you to say, ‘Yes, Master Jonas… Just kidding.’” Sabrina, I love you and if it was most popular person tonight, I’d vote for you Sabrina, but you absolutely SUCKED at challenges. I mean suck-diddily-ucked! Chelsea you’re cute; as guys we all agree that you’re the hottest chick this season (Here, here!), but this isn’t about hotness. So, Chelsea, what was the boldest, hugest move that YOU made that Kim didn’t make.
“It was my idea to take Kat out.” (This is surprisingly not met by claps and “Oh, yays!” from Kat.)
Jonas continues saying, “Kim you kicked my ass fair and square and you played a flawless game up till the last tribal council, but then you didn’t take Christina. Why?!”
“If everybody on the jury hates me, I figured they’d vote for Christina, if they’re that angry. But if I was for the person that played the best game, I could sit with these two guys and still win.”
Christina, says, “Kim, of course you took Sabrina and Chelsea to the finals. If you would have taken me to the finals instead of one of them, who would knock out and why?” Kim says she would have not taken Chelsea, because she sees her as the biggest threat.
“Chelsea, why do you hate people?”
“I don’t hate people at all! Outside this game I’m not the cold-hearted bitch, I’m really not…”
Jay, offers congratulations and no hard feelings. Sabrina, you took it easy all the time; not just challenges but even around camp, you did squat. Was that really your strategy?
Sabrina says it’s about balance again. Didn’t want to bulldoze stuff like challenges because that’s an extreme. And I just learned to swim prior to coming here so she wasn’t about to be all fishing and stuff.
Michael, asks Kim to define blindside in the best possible for him.
Kim says, “Sending someone home who has no idea that they are going home, and convincing them that they’re not going home so they’re shocked.” A pretty solid answer. She then details exactly how she got Troyzan to vote him out, describing the anatomy of HIS blindside.
Tarzan gets up and it is a lengthy random, rambling statement with lots of words that are several layers down in the thesaurus. I’m not sure I got it all but here’s the gist…
He doesn’t have any questions, but Chelsea says that she wants to tell Tarzan that his relationship with his wife has inspired her and shown her what she wants in a relationship and she’s in tears.
Leif says he’s just trying to work out his feelings and find out how things went down. Kim says she just never trusted Leif at all and that his voting was all over the map so he had to go. Sabrina said that Kim was just handing out the orders so she just did what Kim said.
Alicia gets up and clearly her days at Ponderosa haven’t cleared her delusions and the meds haven’t had a chance to thoroughly work into her system yet. She starts by telling Kim that they play the game very similarly; they’re both Kingpins in this game and they both have their pawns. "Homegirl, you know that you’re lucky that I’m not sitting next to you, Kim, cause I’m gettin’ more vote up in this mutha than any of you all! I’m super flattered cause I didn’t know Miss Puerto Rico over here could play such a game and be such a threat."
Troyzan, “OK. Here we go. First of all, congratulations. And I don’t hate your guts. Kim, my real beef is with you so I’m gonna just ask you one question…there was a point in this game that you made a decision against me in this game to demolish my chances of winning. When was it?”
“It was when we decided to take Jonas out.”
“The Survivor gods have spoken. And it’s like, ‘Uno, dos, adios.’” Uh, OK. Random…
Kat tells Kim that she was just destroyed by her.
Kat then tells that she has had a couple of open heart surgeries already and that she needs to have another next year and that she doesn’t have time to be angry in her life. And she isn’t going to base her vote on anger, but on who she thinks played the best game, and asks the jury to vote the same way; don’t base it on being angry. It’s a lot easier to smile and be happy. “And I forgive you and that’s all I have to say…”
With that…it’s time to vote for the title of Sole Survivor!
We see Troyzan vote for…Sabrina! Even though he admits that Kim is the best player.
We see Kat vote for…Kim. “If I didn’t vote for you tonight it means I haven’t learned a damn thing in this game.”
Zip-zap, jump-cut and we’re in New York and see Jeff rolling into the studio all cleaned up and carrying the final votes. “Let’s finish this season off…Sabrina, Kim, Chelsea, one of you is about to be rewarded.”
Seventh vote…and the million dollar winner of Survivor One World is…KIM! (The other Sabrina vote was from Leif.)
I'm pretty happy with the outcome. I think Kim played the best game -- by far -- both physically AND strategically AND socially this season and she was the player that most deserved to win. She also pulled down the extra $100-K for being voted Fan Favorite for the season. I am actually a bit surprised that Chelsea didn't receive ANY votes, but that's the way the jury vote bounces.
I hope that you've enjoyed my Survivor blog this season. I know that at least many of you have found me by Googling for pics of Christina Cha nude or Survivor Chelsea. And, well, I hope you weren't too disappointed when you got here.
Also, if you want to watch the live reunion show -- where you can see Colton and his mom and see if he is remorseful about his actions -- you can watch the entire ep here.