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John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

(Almost) Like taking candy from a baby!

Posted on May 13, 2010 at 1:04 PM

If you read my posts from my trip to Alabama last week, then you’ll remember that I offered my 9 year old niece, Kinsley, $100 to eat a vomit noodle (a perfectly retained bit of spaghetti that Lauryn threw-up on me). Now, Kinsley is like most 9 year olds---she figures that she knows *everything* and that everyone else is both semi-retarded and wrong.

 

While we stayed at their house, Kinsley was fascinated by my whole blogging thing (I mean, seriously, can you blame her? Here I was, sitting in her very home blogging away, what’s NOT to be fascinated by?) so she was watching me put up my post on Remoticus and looking at the (admittedly) lame quality of photos taken from my lady-phone’s camera. So she asks me how many mega-pixels my phone has. I tell her that I think one, (but I’m secretly thinking that my phone is SO lame, that the true number is probably more like .75 megapixels).

 

Armed with this information, Kinsley proudly proclaims that HER daddy’s phone has TWENTY mega-pixels.

 

I explain, that no, there is NO phone (well, maybe the new iPhone that Gizmodo found/bought/stole whatever wil lbe, but no mortal phone of man today) has a 20 mega-pixel camera.

 

“Oh yes it does,” she says.

 

Now, I’m 40, a grown man by nearly every standard. And you *might* think that I would be above being baited into a technology debate by a 9 year old. And if that’s the case, well then you’ve really not gotten to know me at all through this blog. This is technology. She has challenged me. Now she must be crushed and humbled. (Need another example of my inability to just ignore Kenny Roger’s advice to “walk away from trouble when you can” or that “you don’t have to fight to be a man”? Look here.


So, naturally I say, “OK. There is NO WAY your dad’s phone has a 20 megapixel camera. NO phone has a 20 megapixel camera. In fact, very few professional cameras costing *thousands* of dollars have a 20 megapixels.”

 

Then in the confidence that can be delivered only by blissful ignorance or a hyper-confident 9 year old, she says, "Well, my daddy’s phone does.”

 

Ass switch flipped! I know that Kinsley has been saving up her money for a while with the goal of getting to $100. I also know that she currently has $43. So, when she continued to challenge me on this, I had no recourse but to teach her a lesson. A $43 lesson to be exact. So, of course, my next response was, “OK. I’ll bet you $43 dollars that it doesn’t!” At least, that's how I remember it over the pounding of the vein in my temple.

 

This causes Dana to shout, “JOHN!” as in “John! You know better than to bet with a 9 year old” and “John! Justwhen I think you’ve matured even a little you go and surprise me!”

 

When blood cools and dander recedes, Kinsley goes and gets the phone and proudly shoves it in my face. “See! I told you!” I take one look, hand it back and say, “Look closer.”

 

She missed the “.” between the 2 and the 0. The $43 dot. MY $43. Of course, I take little pleasure in besting a 9year old. (Ha! That even made me laugh. OF COURSE I take pleasure in besting a 9 year old! Suck it, Kinsley!) In my best isn’t-Uncle-John-grand-and-merciful-and-wise voice, I say, “Kinsley, now don’t you think it’s possible that maybe I would know a little more about technology than you? Hmmm?"

 

Her response was an indifferent shoulder shrug. The shoulder shrug of a crushed and humbled spirit! At least that’s how I saw it. Then I bought her an ice cream.

Categories: May 2010, Family

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15 Comments

Reply Keely
1:26 PM on May 13, 2010 
I'm beginning to think that your Ass-switch is always in the ON position. I weep for you but more for my sister. She must continually deal with your consequences. I would be offended by her attitude of moral superiority when it comes to me, especially since I see that she has obviously given up the fight to make you a better person. Then I realize it's only because she sees that there is still hope for me.
Reply [email protected]
7:01 PM on May 13, 2010 
So did you Uncle John keep the $43.00? Ummmmmm I wonder. Didn't your Mother ever tell you that betting is wrong??? I bet she did!
Reply John Sciacca
10:09 PM on May 13, 2010 
OK...I didn't *actually* bet her. Dana stepped in to stop that madness. Plus, I *probably* wouldn't have kept the money anyhow...
Ass switch flipping off. (For now...)
Reply miahrrhea
11:18 PM on May 13, 2010 
Mark my words...from this day forth I shall spend every waking moment, in my scary "puts the lotion on" basement, devoted to manipulating my Motorola Tundra so as to boast 20 meg pixles. I shall make you rue the day you took on my eight year old little girl! Until Florida good sir!
Reply Dan
11:57 PM on May 13, 2010 
Trust me. ANY 9 year old would rather have an Ice- cream rather than $43. I have a 9 year old and the $43 to prove it.
John, you did HER a favor. What an invaluable lesson! Worth far greater than that paltry amount.

Miah and Keely: It's fortunate for you that she wasn't holding the mortgage. Now uncle Johnny wants some rent.
Reply John Sciacca
9:12 AM on May 14, 2010 
miahrrhea says...
Mark my words...from this day forth I shall spend every waking moment, in my scary "puts the lotion on" basement, devoted to manipulating my Motorola Tundra so as to boast 20 meg pixles. I shall make you rue the day you took on my eight year old little girl! Until Florida good sir!

Keeps your lotion on.... First, I'm *pretty sure* that your phone is a Sony Erickson (at least that's one of the many laying around that Kinsley showed me) not a Motorola. Second, if you can cram 20 mp's into your phone, you'll have a lot of money on your hands to shove in my face! Third, thinking I won't be in FL this year. You'll have to find all the ocean treasures.
Reply Dana
11:19 AM on May 14, 2010 
And you wonder why I drink...
Reply pamela
11:27 AM on May 14, 2010 
Dana says...
And you wonder why I drink... No NO I don't wonder..............Living with his brain that is on the go even at night for the terror dreams you have to have some relief----------Martini anyone?????????????? It's five o'clock some
where.
Reply john
5:04 PM on May 14, 2010 
Having fun with family members is great and times like these will be cherished when your niece gets older.
Reply miahrrhea
1:43 PM on May 15, 2010 
John-that may have been one of the many defunct phones floating around the house, for I do in fact have a Tundra., and yes it will have 20 meg pix by late May.
Dana-I feel your pain. Fortunately for you Earnest and Gallo will be around for a long time to come. By the by...Uncle John is more than welcome to my mortgage. ;)
Reply John Sciacca
1:46 PM on May 15, 2010 
miahrrhea says...
John-that may have been one of the many defunct phones floating around the house,

Ya know....there' s trace amounts of gold in your cell phones. You've got SO many lying around, I bet if you smelted all those old models down, we could probably ALL have 20 MP cameras in our phones! :-)
Reply miahrrhea
4:21 PM on May 15, 2010 
miahrrhea says...
I may have to look into the smelting option, it seems more profitable than handing the phones down to the kids and our father in law.
I hate to hear you may not be in the Gulf this year. I guess I'll have to hunt for tar balls all on my lonesome! : (
Reply John Sciacca
4:25 PM on May 15, 2010 
miahrrhea says...

If you reply OUTSIDE/after the last set of brackets, then your comment will show up easier to read. I don't have any good tarball-into-money recycling tips for you, sorry. But, good luck with sunglasses hunting!
Reply The Nancy
7:16 PM on May 17, 2010 
I'd bet you $57 that Kinsley is 8 not 9. When trying to prove a point one must have ALL the facts correct.
Reply John Sciacca
8:57 PM on May 17, 2010 
The Nancy says...
I'd bet you $57 that Kinsley is 8 not 9. When trying to prove a point one must have ALL the facts correct.

OK....you're *wiley*! $43 + $57 = the $100 that Kinsley wants. So I *like* that logic. (Like *even better* that you didn't try to explain it!) So, points for you. In all the confusion of creating a fake aged e-mail for Kinsley (did you know you need to be 16 to have an e-mail address?) I forgot her year. So, you're right; she's 8 not 9. Just remember that THE John doesn't like to be corrected too often.... :-)