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John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Nothing would have helped...Well, one thing...

Posted on August 7, 2010 at 10:09 AM

Yesterday started out looking like a giant, beautiful, fun-looking pinata but when I smashed it open, it turned out to be filled with lots of rain, bitter disappointment and despair. And poop. And no iPad.


So after I get home, I find that our swimming pool is literally over-flowing. We have had SO much rain -- I'm guessing more than 7 inches since the pool has gone from normal tile level to cup runneth over onto our deck level -- that the pool now looks like it has an infinity edge. Except it doesn't. So I go outside and backwash it for like 30 minutes to drop the water level down to somewhere near normal. Sitting in the rain. And the mosquitos. Near my friend giant spider. But since the ground is SO saturated with water, the hundreds of gallons of backwashing have no where to backwash to. So, I'm basically just sitting/squating in the mud, alone with my iPad-less thoughts.


(Clearly I was more distracted than I thought, since this morning I woke up, and on my way to the coffee machine -- OH MY GOD!!!! THE POOL!!! OH, NO!!! DANA!!! THE POOL....!!! Water level is now DOWN about a foot. Turns out in my fugue I forget to turn the pool filter knob back to filter from rinse -- something I've never forgotten to do in 12 years of owing the water filled spite pit. So, when the timer kicked it on this morning, instead of filtering, it kept blasting hundreds of gallons out...  Again, I tell you, my home theater...SO much better than my pool...)


So I come back into the house and the phone rings. Dana answers it and talks for a second, looking a bit confused with a "And who are you again?" and then hands it to me. "Hello?"

"Hi. I'm with Wachovia. We'd like to do a brief survey about your account."
"But I don't have a Wachovia account. I don't have a Wachovia account, do I?"

"No sir."

"That's what we'd like to do a survey about."

Turns out I DID have a Wachovia account. They had a deal that if I opened the account and kept a balance for like 60 days they'd give me $50. So I did. Waited 61 days. And then I didn't.

"On a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being not at all satisfied and 5 being extremely satisfied, how would you describe your experience with Wachovia?"

"Look, lady, I'm going to just tell you. I ONLY opened the account for the free $50. I never even went to the bank. They did nothing right or wrong."
"Yes. I understand. So, on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being...."

So this "brief" survey continues on and on. And she finally asks, "When did you decide to close your account?"
Exasperated, I say, "From the very second I opened it. I knew there was just no way I was going to keep it. I only wanted the free $50."

But there was no deterring this lady. She was truly unflappable. And more with the questions...

"What could Wachovia have done to keep your business?"
"Nothing. There was nothing they could have done. Well, they could have magically transferred ALL of my automatic bank drafts, all of my direct deposits, all of the banking relationships that I've set up over the past 12 years, offered me more free money. Oh, and they could have gotten me an American Express Black Card." (I promise you; I said it...)

"OK. Let me get that. An American Ex..."
"That was a joke. There's no way they could have gotten me one."

"Oh. OK."
"The joke isn't very funny if you don't know what a Black Card is...."

"I see."

No. No you don't. On a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being sucks giant ass and 5 being I found a Golden Ticket in my Wonka Bar, I'm giving the day a 1...




Categories: August 2010

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