To my knowledge I am the only A/V reviewer who used to bea golf professional, so I think that makes me uniquely qualified to comment on Tiger Woods and the upcoming Masters. So, here goes….

First, my prediction is that Tiger will suck at the Masters. Suck diddily-uck. In fact,  I say he won’t even make the cut, a first in his professional career. He is used to golfing in a tightly controlled bubble where he is treated like a Demigod and given a wide berth of respect from those around him; crowd, players and media alike. While I thinkAugusta is the best venue for him to make a comeback – they are legendary for their crowd controland rules of decorum – he will be dealing with reactions from crowd and other players that he’s never had to contend with. He has shown that he's only human,and not a really respectable one at that. Also, golf requires an insane level of skill, focus and concentration that is not easily recovered after months of lay off. When you have literally millionths of a second to influence the outcome (the time of contact between ball and clubface), being just slightly off is the difference between winning and suck-diddily-ucking.

Second, it was announced today that portions of this year's tourney will be broadcast in 3D. The Masters in 3D? Really? No. I mean, really?!? Do you need a gimmick to get people to watch what will already be the biggest sport’s media spectacle of the year with Tiger’s return? And, who are you targeting here? There’s like no one that will be able to watch this. This just reeks of bandwagon-ry, and is totally not Raven, I mean, not Masters-like. (Augusta’s benevolent dictator, Clifford Roberts, would be out scalping someone’s ass for this! Seriously, he probably just punched a hand through his cold, dark grave Michael Jackson Thriller style.) Also, say you’re the one guy who bought a 3D set. Last time I checked, no cable box on the market was HDMI 1.4 compliant, so what concoction of 3D is Comcast supposedly brewing. If it is old school anaglyph using red and blue glasses, I will simultaneously laugh and weep. Masters, why? Did someone render you up an image of a Na'vi wearing a Green jacket and you just got so excited you had to put down your julep and call an emergency meeting of the board before really thinking it through?

Tiger or no Tiger, 3D or sweet, regular 2D with HD secretsauce, I’ll be watching the National come April. If only to dream that that could have been me out there….. I could have been somebody. I could have been a contender!*

(* It totally could never have been me. At my best I was just nearly a scratch player. A score that will have you out begging for money in front of a Wal-Mart so fast the ink wouldn't even be dry on your sign. But a man’s got to hold on to his dreams...)