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John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

DVR: Let's hug it out!

Posted on May 13, 2010 at 6:05 PM

(If you’re not caught up on Lost, Survivor or Amazing Race, massive spoilers below….)

 

As you know, I’ve had a bit of a rocky relationship with my Time Warner DVR. (I love you, I hate you and Yes, I'm sure it's your cable box)


At times, my DVR seems less like an inanimate bit of technology designed to improve my life and more like a hateful,vindictive ex-girlfriend that sneaks into your house, leaves an upper decker and then logs into your e-mail account and deletes all of your messages and sends totally inappropriate pictures to your mom and co-workers.

 

Then, there are those times when it just does everything right. It automatically extends recording times to get those last 2 minutes of a show. It notices that Survivor moved to Wednesday night because of the Final Four. It is Mary Poppins cleaning and straightening your life and making everything just swimmingly better with a giant, heaping teaspoon of Ecstasy.

 

Whenever I return from a trip – OK, forget about returning from a trip. Whenever I come back home from being gone several hours – I always approach the DVR’s recorded list with gentle apprehension. Don’t get your hopes up, John. You know it only wants to hurt you. But, you’ve been good, you’ve kept the hard drive relatively empty and there aren’t any sporting events that will run long or scheduling conflicts.

 

So, it was with *great* relief that I returned from Alabama to find a list fully populated with all of the shows that I’d missed. (OK, I'm not going to be modest, I have a GREAT home theater system. I spent a lot of money on it, and I don't want to "sacrifice" a viewing experience by watching something on a lame, 32-inch 4x3 TV. If this makes me a jerk, well, you're gonna have to take a number and get in line. So when one of Dana’s friends offered to let us borrow a VCR tape – A TAPE!!! – of Survivor, I politely (at least I think it was politely) declined and said I’d rather wait to watch it at home on my 60-inch Pioneer Elite Plasma. In high def. OK. Yeah. When I see it in print like that I can understand why Dana just looks away and shakes her head. And not that agreeing kind of shake, like, “Yep, he’s right. Our TV is WAY more awesome than yours” but more that “Oh no. Please no. Not again” shake.)

 

So we had a magical evening the other night that involved two bottles of red wine, and some terrific TV.

 

First, Survivor. Double elimination! At this point, I don’t really see how Russell could possibly win if he makes it to the end. He has been SUCH a total ass-face to everyone that I think they would vote to run the money through a shredder than give it to him. Oh, and totally way to alienate Parvati, like your one strong alliance, by your ridiculous power play to vote off Danielle! Brilliant move there, Russ! The only way that he could *possibly* alienate the jury members any more would be to fling feces at the family members when they show up for the inevitable family reunion/hang-out challenge. Also, really bogus move swearing on your kid’s life. I’m with Rupert---game or no, there are some things that you just don’t do to advance another day for a TV show...

 

Next, Amazing Race. Finale episode. OK, this whole season has been totally bittersweet for me. It’s been great, and I loved and rooted for the cowboys, and hated to see two-brothers-one-is-gay-and-the-other-is-straight-but-after-watching-him-he’s-also-totally-just-as-gay ultimately win. But Jon Yelle and I are destined to run/win the race and this was a season that we WOULD have won.(OK, we both agree that the Morse code challenge *could* have done us in. That one was pretty brutal.) We missed the Myrtle Beach try-outs by like an hour. I do languages, Yelle does everything else. We spend episodes texting each other like tween girls saying who would do which challenge. (Hint: anything with motors or machines or massive lifting is Yelle.) And I can pretty much promise you that you’ll never hear one of us utter, “Oh my gravy!” when something goes askew. This season started out in South America where I had to call up Jon and remind him that I’m FLUENT IN SPANISH! Then it headed to Europe---and I’m speaking Italian! There were some low points in the middle where my Chinese and Malay are pretty much non-existent. But then the show ended up in....my home town of San Francisco! Yelle called me up and asked what it felt like to lose my share of the $1 million. And I’ll tell you. It felt like burning. When they had the Yoda fountain clue I literally had to ask the TV if it was kidding me. I was just there! At the Presidio! Doing a story on Star Wars. I have a picture of me in front of the Yoda fountain! (It's posted in the pictures section...) CBS, did you really have to put the cigar out on my face and then grind lemon-salt into the wound with your boot?

 

Popped that second bottle of wine and started up Lost. Can’t believe there is only one regular episode left before the finale. (Which a satellite MAY try to ruin. Thanks, Luxembourg!) It seems like there are still SO many questions left to answer. What happened with Walt? Was that dog important? How has Hurley managed to stay morbidly obese? Is Claire trying to grow bees in her hair? This was an interesting episode, entirely back story about Jacob and Man in Black (who I’m guessing is going to be named Esau based on them being twins and the whole biblical thing that Lost has been running). I’m also psyched for the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (May 14) that has like 50 pages of Lost coverage going through the entire 6 seasons with lots of good catch-up stuff.

 

Come here, DVR! You done good!Real good!

Categories: May 2010, TV

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