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John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Oh! I AM gonna get out of it!

Posted on November 2, 2010 at 3:34 PM

While I try my best to love people of all neck colors -- love all, serve all, just like the House of Blues says -- sometimes those with the necks of the reddest-red can be difficult to, um, love. (And I’m not talking about Native Americans. My experience with them walking into our store is shockingly limited. And I was more than happy with my time on the Res...)


The other day this guy comes into the store and he might as well have been carrying a spit cup for his chew tobaccah, and been wearing a John Deere T-shirt and a ball cap proclaiming his undying love, admiration, respect and eternal memory flame for Mr. Dale Earnhardt Sr along with a pair of jeans that would provide the CSI lab with months of research and exploration. But, I judge not, lest ye be judged. Plus, one of my first big clients originally pulled up in a beater green truck then walked in and bought a $17,000 Runco CRT. So, I’m willing to give every man his day. Until said man proves that his day is over and it is just time to head out on his way.


So, I walk out to greet him and his brood – no other term will really do he and his kin justice – and I say hello and the daughter says something that flashed through 3 stages of comprehension in my mind; First, Wow? Did she just say that? Second, No, I must have mis-heard her. Third (after talking to her Pa), Yeah, she probably said that. So, I say, “Hi, how are you folks doing today?” and the girl breezes past me, holds up her hand towards my face and says, “Blow off...” and heads into our theater. I’ll admit; she definitely unbalanced me with that and took me off my game for a second.


So Pa says, “Now lookey-here. I bought me this here house. And I’ve got a problem. I cain’t seems to find no one knows nothing ‘bout my stereo system.”

"Where is the home located?"

"What's that got ta do with anything?"

"Well. I'm wondering if it is in a neighborhood where we've done work or to see how far away it is to schedule a visit."

"It's over in..."


“OK. No problem. I think the best way to start would be to schedule a time when we can come over and take a look and figure it out for you and then let you know what pieces you'll need to get the system working."


“No. All II want from you is to tell me what parts I need to make it work."

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that."

"No it ain't. I got a stereo. It ain't working. I need the parts to make it work. So what do I need?"

"Um, well, it's tough to say. There's quite a few things that it might be. I really need to take a look at what you have so I can tell you what you need to make it work."

"I got this here On-Q system. I just want you to tell me what parts I need. I ain't payin' no one to put the parts in. That parts easy. I'll do that part ma'self.”


“OK. Well, you see, it is almost impossible for me to just tell you what parts you need without knowing exactly what you have.”


“I just told ye. I have an On-Q system. So what is it I needs to make it work?”


“Well, I can’t say. Without seeing the wiring, or what components are installed or how they’re installed or how many rooms you have or…”


“Ga-dang it! Why does this have to be so damn hard? I mean, it’s just a radio, fer Chrissakes!  Why is it no one can tell me about it? Builder, he don’t know. Says he didn't put it in. Fella did put it in, he’s run outta business; ain't no one knows where he is. Fella what that bought the house, he lost it to the bank. Now I got this house I can’t make t'work.”


“Well, as I said, I have absolutely no doubt that we can make it work. There is nothing that another company would have installed that our company can grab the ball and run with. But the thing is, I just can’t do it without seeing what you have installed. We’d need to come over and take a look.”


“What’s that gonna cost me?”


“We charge $60 to come and take a look.”


“So look here. Just tell me. What is it I need to get to make it work?”


“Well you might need a keypad, or a power supply or just a wire terminated, or the speakers could be bad, or it could be a distribution hub, or something else. None of which I can answer without coming over and seeing your system."

"I can't believe this. I just cain't believe it!"

"Look, I’m sorry but you are just not gonna get out of this without having me come over to take a look.”


“Oh, I AM gonna get outta that. Let’s just say I have six rooms. What do I need?”


“Look, it’s like a car motor. (I really should have used tractor, but I’m only so quick on my feet.) If I told you 'I have a busted motor, it wasn’t working, what do I need?' what would you say? You’d say you needed to see it, right? Because there’s too many things that it could be. This is the same thing. I didn’t sell you the system. I didn’t install the system. I’ve never even seen the system. So, I can’t tell you anything about the system...until I see it. Which is gonna cost you $60.”


“So you cain’t help me?”

"No. That's not at all what I'm saying. I'm saying I CAN help you. Just that I need to have someone come over and see it first."

Here, the man’s wifem who heretofore had been sitting in one of our chairs examining her nails and probably trying to decide on which color would best go with her afternoon glass of cherry wine but with the intensity of a cancer discovery breakthrough, steps in with the wisdom of a whiter, more womanly and heavily made-up Boutros Boutros and says, “Honey. I think what the man is trying to say is that he needs to come to our house. And for $60 he can tell us what we need. Is that what you’re trying to say?”


“Um. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m trying to say.”


“Well. I ain’t payin’. So I guess our business here is done. Come on kids. Git back ta the car. I'll just rip that whole damn mess out!”

So, I guess he DID get out of it. But in an even better, more important way, I think I'm really the one that got out of it. So really, who had the last laugh here? I'm guessing you guys. Hope you're laughing...

Categories: November 2010, CTA

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